Sweet Reunion
by westwardcircle
Summary: Two songs October by Evanescence and S AINT by Marilyn Manson that describe Matt and Mello. Two-shot songfic thing. Rated M for sexual references, language, and self-harm.
1. October

**Disclaimer: **Death Note isn't mine. I don't own, or am in, Evanescence.

**AN: **This is the first part in a two-part series. The next one is from Matt's point of view.

* * *

**October**

_I can't run anymore,_

_I fall before you,_

_Here I am,_

_I have nothing left,_

It's been 2 years since I last saw Matt, and I already miss him so much, I miss him _too_ much. Sure, I missed some of my other friends, but not as much as I missed _him_. He was special to me, and it only took a few months' worth of separation for me to realize that. The lack of seeing him every day, of waking up to him sitting in the bed across from mine playing his video games, of me falling asleep to the sound of his video games. I miss it all.

I can't go on without him.

_Though I've tried to forget,_

_You're all that I am,_

_Take me home,_

_I'm through fighting it,_

So I take a chance and try his cell phone, silently praying that he kept his number. And, because of either luck or his lack of common sense, he did.

"Hello?" He sounded like he was in a dream.

"Matt?" I asked, probably sounding excited.

"Mells, man! Wazzup?" Something was wrong.

"Matt? Are you okay?" I tried not to sound too concerned, but it wasn't working.

"Chillax, man, I'm fine!"

Was he – oh _shit_!

"Matt? Are you _HIGH_?!"

"Sure, whatev! So whatcha want?"

Fuck.

"Matt," I pulled up a page on my laptop and connected my phone to that, "I'm going to take you home now."

_Broken,_

_Lifeless,_

_I give up,_

_You're my only strength,_

He was worse off then I expected. I was able to track him down using his cell phone and it turns out he was living in a grungy apartment that he was close to getting kicked out of. The rent wasn't even $150 a month and he had a job pumping gas. He usually spends his money on pot, but sometimes he would try crack or heroine.

And seeing him so desperate broke my heart.

So I guess I became his personal rehab center. He couldn't go to a real one because I was trying to keep both my identity and his a secret.

In doing so I realized just how hard it was to care for someone else, but I was able to push through it, all because of him, all because I love him.

_Without you,_

_I can't go on,_

_Anymore,_

_Ever again._

"Mello," Matt whined, trying to get my attention away from my laptop (I was working on the Kira case, of course).

"Yeah?" I tried not to look up at him. I _had_ to find Kira, I _had_ to avenge L, and I _had_ to prove I was better than Near.

"I want to talk to you."

_That_ got my attention. I looked up at him quizzically.

"About what?"

"Uh…" Matt hesitated, "Well, you sort of saved my life."

"I never thought of it that way," Should I say it or not. Ah, hell with it. "But you sort of saved my life, too."

_My only hope,_

_(All the times I've tried)_

_My only peace,_

_(To walk away from you)_

_My only joy,_

"How?"

"If you weren't such an idiot, then you would have a different cell phone number, which means I wouldn't have found you. And I really missed you. I was almost to the pint of finding the closest bridge. So you, with your idiocy, saved me from myself."

"Well, it's pretty obvious how you saved my life. But you almost killed me, too."

"I know."

"I know you know."

"But you don't know that I was killing myself slowly when I left. Leaving you behind was hard."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you later. I'm going to bed, it's almost midnight."

And so I make a 'daring escape' in order to avoid telling him. This isn't the time or place.

_My only strength,_

_(I fall into your abounding grace)_

_My only power,_

_My only life,_

_(And love is where I am)_

_My only love._

That night, I dream of him. It isn't one of those dirty fantasies that you hear about, but an actual dream, a nice dream.

_Matt lied his head on my shoulder._

"_Mello?" he said, "Do you believe in true love?"_

"_Matt," I replied, "Of course I do. It's how I feel towards you."_

"_Good, because I love you, too."_

_He leaned his face towards mine._

"Mello!" Matt woke me up.

"Wha?!" I jerked awake, hitting my head against his.

"Fuck!" we yelled at the same time.

"What is it?" I asked, rubbing my head.

"I hacked into Near's system, I have all his information."

"Fuck yes! Dude, I love you!"

He doesn't know I mean it.

_I can't run anymore,_

_I give myself to you,_

_I'm sorry,_

_I'm sorry,_

So he did hack into the system. Which resulted in us sitting on the couch for like an hour, going through it. Matt went through like half a pack of cigs, and I ate 5 ½ bars of chocolate. That's how I found out about the 'murder notebook' and formed a plan.

"I'm going to get the notebook!" I cheered, jumping off the couch. I dragged Matt to his feet, grabbed the remote to the radio (yes, they exist), turned it on a random station and started dancing with Matt.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Matt asked me as I laid my head on his shoulder as the song changed to a slow song.

"Dancing," I replied, "I'm happy."

Matt wrapped his arms around my waist and we swayed for the remainder of the song. Even after the song was done and the radio guy was talking, we continued dancing. It was the best feeling ever. I think I can really give myself up to him.

_In all my bitterness,_

_I ignored,_

_All that's real and true,_

_All I need is you,_

"Mello," Matt said, "The songs been over for like 5 minutes."

"So?" I said.

"I just thought you should know that."

Then he kissed me.

What I said about dancing with him being the best feeling is now a lie.

With our tongues battling for dominance, I realize something – he made the first move. He felt the same way. I am so stupid, why didn't I realize this?!

I broke the kiss.

"How long?" I asked him, "How long have you felt this way?"

"Years," Matt said, "I realized it on March 22nd 2001. You?"

"I've felt it for a while, but realized it a few months after I left."

We kissed again and eventually retreated to my bedroom.

_When night falls on me,_

_I'll not close my eyes,_

_I'm too alive,_

_And you're too strong,_

Again, I change my mind about the best feeling ever. Sex with Matt beats the previous.

Afterwards, I lie in bed with him. I can't sleep, I'm savoring this feeling of belonging. This feeling of warmth with me and that warmth being Matt. I finally feel alive. No wonder I love him too much.

I give in and fall asleep, but not before wrapping my arms around Matt.

_I can't lie anymore,_

_I fall down before you,_

_I'm sorry,_

_I'm sorry._

January 12, 2010

"Matt," I said, after getting off the phone, "You know I love you more than anything, right?"

"Mello, what's the matter?" Matt jumped away from his computer and walked up to me. He placed one hand under my chin and brought my face up to look at him.

"In order to beat Kira, I need your help. You're going to survive, but I – I don't know whether I will."

"Mello, you are _not_ going to die. And if you do, I'll follow you."

"I'm sorry, Matt, but I can't ask you to do that."

"I will anyways."

"I love you, Matt."

_My only hope,_

_(All the times I've tried)_

_My only peace,_

_(To walk away from you)_

_My only joy,_

My plan is set. On January 26, Matt and I will kidnap Kiyomi Takada. He will get away, but I – I will most likely not make it. So we decided to spend the last 2 weeks like a normal couple. Only, that involves one of us crossdressing to avoid stares. And that person was obviously me. I didn't even get out the door when Matt attacked me.

Another night in my bedroom.

_My only strength,_

_(I fall into your abounding grace)_

_My only power,_

A couple days later, Matt begged me not to go through with the plan.

"I have to!" I exclaimed, spearing my waffle, "It will result in Kira's defeat!"

"But it risks your life! If you die, then I don't know what to do…"

"Matt," I said, "I don't want to die and leave you, but this is something I have to do."

"No, Mello!" Matt started sobbing – he hasn't smoked in a couple of days and gets really emotional when he doesn't smoke. I have come to know his routines well. He has come to know mine.

He is everything to me and I might be leaving him again.

_My only life,_

_(And love is where I am)_

_My only love._

So I write him a letter. It's really funny, we live together and I find myself writing to him. But I don't think I can ever voice how I really feel about him out loud. But written words have a way of making magic. Which is why I want to be an author if we survive.

But I can't think about the future, I only want to think about him.

_Constantly ignoring,_

_The pain consuming me,_

_But this time it's cut too deep,_

_I'll never stray again._

And so I cry when I'm done with the letter. Because I love him so much it hurts.

The pain becomes physical. I pick back up on an old habit I had stopped long before I left Wammy's house.

I'm sorry Matt, but I'm cutting again.

"Mello!" Matt walks into the room to see me doing just that, "What the fuck are you doing!?"

"I'm sorry, Matt," I choked out before he yanked the knife away and I fell onto the ground into a pool of black.

_My only hope,_

_(All the times I've tried)_

_My only peace,_

_(To walk away from you)_

_My only joy,_

"Mello, what possessed you to do that!?" Matt yelled at me when I woke up.

"I'm sorry…" I started crying again.

"Mello…" Matt engulfed me in a hug and I started sobbing uncontrollably.

"Matt," I managed to choke out, "I don't wanna die, I don't wanna leave you."

"Mello, you don't have to do this, you don't –"

"Yes, I do have to do this. It's going to get rid of Kira. The world will no longer be this insane Hell!"

"Mello, _my_ world is going to be an insane Hell without you."

_My only strength,_

_(I fall into your abounding grace)_

_My only power,_

"Mello," Matt said, "You are all the world to me, you are everything to me. Without you I can't go on. If you die, I'm going to follow you. Don't protest because if we're both dead, then we can be together."

_My only life,_

_(And love is where I am)_

_My only love,_

"Because the truth is that I love you, Mello."

_My only hope,_

_(All the times I've tried)_

_My only peace,_

_(To walk away from you)_

_My only joy,_

The first time he's said that to me.

_My only strength,_

_(I fall into your abounding grace)_

_My only power,_

And I know he means it.

_My only life,_

_(And love is where I am)_

_My only love._


	2. SAINT

**(S)AINT**

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Death Note or Marilyn Manson

**AN: **Second and final chapter.

* * *

_I don't care if your world is ending today_

_Because I wasn't invited to it anyway_

_You said I tasted famous so I drew you a heart_

_But now I'm not an artist, I'm a fucking work of art_

Only a goodbye letter. All he left me with was a fucking goodbye letter. Our friendship started with a letter and ended with a letter.

Fucking Valentine's Day started our friendship. I was doing the mandatory Valentine's, but I made them look like shit and wrote what I really thought about the receiver on them. Mello liked that, so we stuck together and through our dry humor we became best friends.

And then he left. Just like that. He would be so pissed if he saw me now – a drugee barely getting by.

_I got an F and a C_

_And I got a K, too_

_And the only thing that's missin'_

_Is a bitch like U_

Mello is a bitch for contacting me after all these years. He has no clue of the Hell that he put me and all of Wammy's house through. I got a new roommate, but he got kicked out for almost molesting me. The next roommate killed himself. Fuck, I was close to killing myself, too. Because the truth is I miss Mello.

And then he calls after years of silence.

_You wanted perfect_

_You've got your perfect now_

_I'm too perfect for someone like you_

"Hello?" I answered my phone, if only to stop the ringing interrupting my high.

"Matt?" Fucking Mello-bitch.

"Mells, man! Wazzup?" Stupid mouth, going off on your own again.

"Matt, are you okay?" Bitch sounds worried.

"Chillax, man. I'm fine." I don't sound fine.

"Matt? Are you _HIGH_?" Ah, loud! Loud!

"Sure, whatev! So watcha want?" He has to have a reason for calling.

"Matt," he said and I heard some rustling or something in the background, "I'm going to take you home now."

And where the hell would that be, bitch?

_I was a dandy in your ghetto_

_With the snow white smile_

_But you'll never be as perfect whatever you do_

Mello saved me, but he's still a fucking mafia boss. I don't even know why he keeps me around, I'm fucking terrified of the mafia.

But at least Mello's hot.

And he wears tight pants.

That are leather.

And his shirt doesn't cover his stomach.

Yeah, I've eye-raped him a few times, but he hasn't noticed. I think.

But compared to the mafia men, I must be the Virgin Mary.

And I'm probably more attractive than them.

So does Mello want me?

_What's my name? What's my name?_

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT_

"Mello," I said one day, my voice probably sounding like a whine.

"Yeah?" He didn't look up, probably doing something Kira related. He's so obsessed with solving the Kira case.

"I want to talk to you." He looked at me then.

"About what?" SHIT! DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT!

"Uh…Well, you sort of saved my life."

"I never thought of it that way," Liar, "But you sort of saved mine, too."

"How?"

"If you weren't such an idiot, then you would have a different cell phone number, which means I wouldn't have found you. And I really missed you. I was almost to the pint of finding the closest bridge. So you, with your idiocy, saved me from myself."

"Well, it's pretty obvious how you saved my life. But you almost killed me, too."

"I know."

"I know you know."

"But you don't know that I was killing myself slowly when I left. Leaving you behind was hard."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you later. I'm going to bed, it's almost midnight."

_Ah ah ah ah_

_Ah ah ah ah_

So Mello left me alone with a laptop.

No, I didn't look at porn. I hacked into Near's system.

And then I fell asleep.

Of course I had a dream about Mello.

And then I woke up with a "problem".

And then I got rid of the problem.

And then I told Mello that I hacked into Near's system.

And then we went through Near's system.

And then Mello came up with a plan and we danced.

And then I kissed him.

And then we went to his room.

_I am a born type of death set on a mop-stick_

_You infected me, took diamonds, I took all your shit_

_Your 'sell by date' expired so you had to be sold_

_I'm a suffer genius and then a sex symbol_

And then we had hot, passionate sex. In case you want to know: I was top. It was amazing and Mello is amazing. It was even better than I would have thought.

Pretty ironic how 2 of the smartest people in the world can be such nymphos.

_You wanted perfect_

_You've got your perfect now_

_I'm too perfect for someone like you_

It's when Mello wraps his arms around me and falls asleep afterwards that I don't just feel lust towards him.

I love Mello.

But do I deserve him?

I don't know.

But for the time being, I'm going to let myself have him.

Yeah, I love him enough to spoil myself.

But he's the first person I've ever loved.

_I was a dandy in your ghetto_

_With the snow white smile_

_But you'll never be as perfect whatever you do_

3 more times that week did we commit the sin of lust. And each time, I would lie awake afterwards, thinking of my love.

He's too perfect for me, but I don't really care.

_What's my name? What's my name?_

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT_

January 12, 2010

Mello was on the phone with that Halle chick that he got Near's information from. When he hung up, though, he looked extremely depressed.

"Matt," he said, "You know I love you more than anything, right?"

"Mello, what's the matter?" I jumped away from my computer and walked up to him. I placed my hand underneath his chin and brought his beautiful face up to look at me.

"In order to beat Kira, I need your help. You're going to survive, but I – I don't know whether I will."

NO! MELLO!  
"Mello, you are _not_ going to die. And if you do, I'll follow you."

I love you that much.

"I'm sorry, Matt, but I can't ask you to do that."

"I will anyways."

"I love you, Matt."

I love you Mello.

_What's my name? What's my name?_

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT_

Mello's plan is set. On January 26, we will kidnap Kiyomi Takada. I will most likely survive, but Mello is probably –

Fuck, MELLO IS GOING TO DIE!

Although we've been trying to spend the days like a normal couple, I've been crying myself to sleep.

Today we were going out, which involves Mello dressing up as a girl.

Let's just say he was hot.

_Ah ah ah ah_

_Ah ah ah ah_

And so we spent another night in his room. But there was something different, probably that it had more love than lust.

_I got an F and a C_

_And I got a K, too_

_And the only thing that's missin'_

_Is a bitch like U_

Another couple days past and then I started complaining about Mello's plan and the fact that he was going to die.

"Don't go through with it," I begged.

"I have to!" he practically yelled, "It will result in Kira's defeat!"

"But it risks your life! If you die, then I don't know what to do…"

Fuck. Lack of cigarettes = Me being emotional.

"Matt, I don't want to die and leave you, but this is something I have to do."

"No, Mello!"

And then I started crying. Mello ran out of the room sounding upset and I was alone again.

He's all that I've got.

_I got an F and a C_

_And I got a K, too_

_And the only thing that's missin'_

_Is a bitch like U_

I don't see him at all the next day. He disappeared into the room we sometimes use as an office and didn't come out all day. Which left me enough time to buy cigarettes. I also bought some chocolate.

And, on a whim, a sketch pad and a pencil.

I had been interested in art when I was at Wammy's and I had felt like picking it up again for the last few days.

When I got home, I went into my room and started drawing. My picture came out looking like Mello. I should clean it up and give it to him.

I get up to go to the bathroom and hear muffled sobs coming from the office. I open the door and what I see just about breaks my heart.

_I got an F and a C_

_And I got a K, too_

_And the only thing that's missin'_

_Is a bitch like U_

Mello, against a wall crying and slashing at his wrist with a blade from a razor.

"Mello!" I yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I'm sorry, Matt," he said weekly before passing out. I picked him up and carried him to his room. I carefully laid him on his bed and then I ran to the bathroom to wet a washcloth. I placed said washcloth on his head.

"Mello," I whispered, "Don't do this, I love you."

It was another 5 minutes before he woke up. I was overjoyed, but for some reason I yelled.

_I was a dandy in your ghetto_

_With the snow white smile_

_Super ego bitch I've been evil a while_

"I'm sorry…" he started to cry. He looked so scared. Did I hurt him? Oh fuck.

"Mello…" I hugged him, choking back tears myself.

"Matt," he choked out, "I don't wanna die, I don't wanna leave you."

"Mello, you don't have to do this, you don't –"

"Yes, I do have to do this. It's going to get rid of Kira. The world will no longer be this insane Hell!"

What about _my_ world?

"Mello, _my_ world is going to be an insane Hell without you."

What about my world?

_I was a dandy in your ghetto_

_With the snow white smile_

_Super ego bitch I've been evil a while_

"Mello," I said, "You are all the world to me, you are everything to me. Without you I can't go on. If you die, I'm going to follow you. Don't protest because if we're both dead, then we can be together."

_What's my name? What's my name?_

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT_

"Because the truth is that I love you, Mello."

_What's my name? What's my name?_

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT_

It's the first time he's heard me say that.

_What's my name? What's my name?_

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT_

And I know he knows I mean it.

_What's my name? What's my name?_

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

_Hold the S because I am an AINT_


End file.
